These are the stories most often told around a campfire, with a drink in hand and nature as a soundtrack. The tales are all true, but often with some artistic liberty. Names have been changed for deniability.
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In Hwange National Park in Zimbabwe there is a camp that has many frequent visitors, of both the human and animal variety. Elephants visit to drink from the watering hole. Many species of antelope also visit, the humans providing a higher degree of safety. There is even a resident honey badger called “Beast” that looks for scraps and views the secured rubbish bins as both a challenge and a challenger. There were attempts to dissuade him from this habit. But, after one fateful day when he chased a good-intentioned waitress up onto the top of a table, the staff quickly agreed to leave him be. So in short, visitors are common, and most times the staff let them be.
Except of course, when the visitors become residents.
And, especially when those residents are lions. This particular camp is a beautiful, luxurious camp.
Around the main area, there are about 10 separate villas, each raised up on stilts. What the designers didn’t expect was that in the hottest part of the day, the nearby lion pride would view the space underneath these villas as a great place to escape the sun. Day after day, the lions would come along and relax underneath each villa, ignoring the squeaks of alarm from the confined guests inside. Tired of chasing the hot and cranky lions away from the rooms the staff decided that they needed to solve this problem more permanently. This discussion included an extremely tall guide later nicknamed ‘Shorty’. More on him later.
So, one week the team covered each of the gaps underneath these villas with chicken wire, blocking all entry and throwing the lions into a tizz. One lion in particular, a large lioness, wasn’t happy with the new arrangements. She instead decided that the area below the main deck made a good replacement spot. This presented an even larger problem. The usual method of clearing off lions (driving a car close and honking the horn) doesn’t work when they are deep beneath the deck. There was obviously a lack of volunteers to do it on foot. And this lioness wasn’t budging. So, they decided that they were going to have to encourage her to leave. They put one safari vehicle right by the main entrance. Shorty, glad to escape the drama, drove the other car around the far side near the watering hole. His job was to drive in after she left and prevent her from doubling back. Meanwhile, staff standing on top of the deck were going to raise a racket to give her encouragement to leave. It wasn’t a high-tech plan, but it was a start.
And so, they began. The car honked and the staff stamped and the team made as much noise as possible. Despite the racket, the lioness wouldn’t move, voicing her displeasure with loud growls. Shorty remained in his vehicle off in the distance, content in his safe and quiet position, his tall body sticking out the top of the open vehicle.
With no lion movement, it was time to increase the ‘encouragement’. Staff began yelling louder and throwing things close to her to get her to move. It started with sticks, then small rocks. She refused. So, they began to throw things closer to her. The small sticks and rocks moved up in size to larger sticks and rocks. Most lions would have tucked their tails and run, but all this did for this lioness was make her louder and angrier. If you’ve ever spent time near lions you know how loud they can be. That noise, a primal response hardwired into our DNA, is spine-tingling. But, their spines tingling, the team persisted.
Unfortunately, so did the lioness.
With guests arriving soon and an angry lioness directly underneath where they would normally check in, the team increased the urgency. Well, most of the team: Shorty remained in his safe and peaceful spot.
The team began to throw whatever they could at the situation, and we mean that quite literally. This lioness, with plenty of options to relocate elsewhere, refused. She wasn’t budging. With all of the throwable items in range now lying uselessly beneath the deck, the team began to get creative. Cutlery was thrown. Robust table decorations sailed through the air. Fruit was tossed. In desperation, even a napkin was thrown, which earned the thrower immediate ‘constructive’ feedback from the team.
It was then, when almost all seemed lost, that one of the few items remaining was produced: a candelabra. Not to judge the team, but you know the plan hasn’t worked when your best defence against a now angry lioness is decorative tableware.
The candelabra was aimed, and in a “Hail Mary” move, thrown underneath the deck. The lion, furious at now having the entire dining department tossed in its direction, took the candelabra as the final straw and with a mighty roar took off from under the deck. But, she didn’t take off in the direction they hoped. She instead took off at a full pace towards the smug Shorty, sitting in the open vehicle.
You may have previously wondered why, at over 6ft 4 in tall, this guide’s nickname was ‘Shorty’. Well, it is in this terrifying situation that the nickname was forged. For Shorty, time seemed to stand still. The lioness was running at full speed straight towards him, fury in her eyes. She had been evicted from her home, twice. She had the contents of a dining room thrown at her. She needed to take the anger out somewhere, and the gangly giant sitting immediately in front of her seemed like a good option.
And so, this tall man began to shrink, in front of everyone’s eyes, like an ice cube under a blowtorch. He dissolved into his seat, changing from his previous tall height to being barely able to see over the door frame. Like lettuce in the desert, the man wilted. With just his eyes visible above the door handle the lioness seemed to change her mind. Perhaps she saw another exit. Perhaps she was no longer keen to punish what she previously thought was a large man but was now clearly a very small and helpless child hiding behind a car door. And so, at the very last minute, she changed direction and took off into the bush, not to be seen again in the area for some time.
Shorty emerged from the seat well to raucous laughter from the team and his new nickname. And if you go to visit this lodge, you might just see a scuffed-up candelabra on the table at night, with quite a story to tell.
